Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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