think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
