walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize