Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
