3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
