I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
