Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
