I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
