Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
