What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
time to smoke my breakfast
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
