Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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