Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
