when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
