I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
