how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
