Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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