so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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