she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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