i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
