quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
