I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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