saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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