I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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