My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
handjob tips. give me some.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
