You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
