Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
