i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So many bounce houses so little time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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