you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
