She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
