dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
