The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
