I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
grandma shit on top of the toilet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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