SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
