under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
