you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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