I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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