garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
