You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
