Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
