Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
