So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
