Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
