Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to calm my uterus...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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