That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
