I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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