If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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