capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
