Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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