By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no you cant smoke seaweed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
