i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
