you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
