Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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