Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
