i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
