i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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