This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
