I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
