I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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