She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How's work?
Spinning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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