He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize