It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
