Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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