Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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