Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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