i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize