The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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