Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
