Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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