and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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