help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
