Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
