porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
