Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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