Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
