Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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