I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
