my vag is so smooth its legendary
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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