so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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