Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
