If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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