i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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