I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
