are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
