My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
someone owes me an orgasm
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
