Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
