he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
